The Fine Art of Pickup Lines
by NCISMcGee
Summary: Things go downhill fast when the team has a night out and Kensi issues a challenge. Rated for VERY bad language and implied sexual content. Very mild Kensi/Nate and Callen/OC pairings. ENJOY!
1. Rounds 1 and 2

I usually don't write funny stories because I don't pull them off too well. I'm more of a serious writer. However this idea has been around in my head for a long while. I started this off for another TV show, but decided to change it up once I saw 'Burned'. (Where Kensi was complaining to Sam and Callen about bad pick up lines.)

Mild Kensi/Nate pairing.

WARNING! This is rated M for VERY bad language and implied sexual content.

This would take place after the season 1 finale. (Very mild spoilers.) I hope you get a chuckle out of this even if you think it's stupid. (I hope you don't). I could see this happening with the team even though it may be slightly OOC to some.

Oh yeah, standard issue blah, blah don't own them, don't sue me, yadda, yadda...

So here goes…

-NCIS-NCIS-NCIS-NCIS-

It had been an absolute horrible few weeks. Losing two agents, having the identity of every undercover operative in NCIS compromised, the ops center being taken off line, the list just went on.

So when the idea was brought up (nobody could really remember who started it) to have a night out for the whole team, Hetty included, everyone jumped at the chance. It started out as a way to honor their fallen comrades, but quickly went downhill and ended up with everyone totally bombed.

**NCIS**

Sam and Callen walked into the bar and spotted Nate and Kensi seated at a large corner table. Callen swore he saw Nate holding Kensi's hand before he spotted the two of them. He smiled to himself. Poor Nate, he had no idea what he was getting himself into. Nate and Kensi were already working on their first beers as Callen went to get one for himself and Sam. Sam sat down just as Eric walked in. Eric got a drink and the five of them sat for a few minutes just chatting.

Kensi saw Callen watching the waitress as she walked past the table and decided to be evil.

"So Callen, why don't you go 'run game' on her? You're staring hard enough."

Callen smiled. "Nah, not my type."

"Oh really? She's breathing isn't she?"

Sam choked on his beer and Eric laughed.

"I would hope Mr. Callen has slightly better standards that that Ms. Blye," came Hetty's voice from behind Callen.

Callen smiled as Hetty pulled up a chair. "Why thank you Hetty. Just for that, your first drink is on me."

After getting a drink for Hetty, Callen proposed a toast in remembrance of Dom and Macy. Everyone raised their glasses and responded with 'here, here' and drank to their fallen friends.

A short while later, they ordered their second round and Kensi decided it was time to liven things up as she watched the waitress walk away from their table.

"You know Callen, I think she likes you."

Callen gave her a look. "What?"

"She's checking you out."

He shrugged as everyone laughed.

"Okay, I've got an idea," Kensi announced.

"Uh-oh, I don't like it when Kensi has ideas. It gets scary real fast," Callen said.

She stuck her tongue out at him. "Shut up G." She continued to address the rest of the group. "Let's see who can come up with the worst pick up line ever."

A round of groans was heard as Kensi smiled brightly. "Oh come on it will be fun! And to make it even better, you have to do a shot before you use your line."

Before anyone could protest, Kensi jumped up and headed towards the bar.

Nate shook his head. "You know it's no use trying to talk her out of it."

They continued to complain amongst themselves and didn't notice Kensi talking with their waitress.

A few minutes later, Kensi returned to the table with a tray holding a dozen shots of tequila, a bowl of lime slices and some salt.

"Okay, so here are the rules. For each round, we have one judge. We'll start with Hetty as our first judge and work around the table. You do your shot then come up with the worst line you can think of. The judge picks the person with the absolute worst and they have to do an extra shot. Nothing is against the rules. You can be as horrible as you want. Oh, and if you go to the bathroom you have to give us a line when you come back to the table."

"Why do I get the feeling you are going to win at this Kenz?" Callen sighed.

"Since you are to the right of Hetty, you get to go first Callen." She smiled sweetly at him.

"Fine," Callen grumbled. He finished his shot then thought for a moment. He smiled then looked at Kensi. "If I followed you home would you keep me?"

Kensi giggled and the others groaned.

Callen elbowed Sam. "Okay Mac Daddy, it's your turn."

Sam did his shot then smiled as he looked at Hetty. "Didn't I see your picture in the dictionary under 'kablaam'?"

"That was really awful Mr. Hannah," Hetty laughed.

Without a prompt, Kensi slammed down her shot and turned to Nate. "Your lips look so lonely. Would they like to meet mine?"

Nate turned red as everyone laughed.

"Come on Doc, give us your best line," Callen laughed.

Nate hesitated a bit before he did the shot then sat for a few seconds. He cleared his throat. "Are you into Karate? Cause your body is kickin'."

Eric started laughing. "Come on Nate, that's from a commercial. Not very original."

Nate smiled. "Then let's hear what you can do."

Eric did his shot then leaned back all casual like and looked at Kensi. "So, is it safe to say I'm going to score?"

Everyone laughed and Kensi shook her head. "Dream on genius."

Hetty cleared her throat. "Okay people, I have made my decision. While everyone was utterly awful, I think Mr. Getz has to pay for his lack of imagination."

Everyone cheered, except Nate of course. Nate sighed and picked up another shot. He made a face as he downed the tequila then sucked on the lime.

"Mr. Callen, I believe it is your turn to judge," Hetty said as Callen took a swig of his beer.

He nodded. "Okay, bring it on. Sam, you get to start this time."

Sam did his shot and looked at Kensi this time. "Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package."

Nate choked on his beer and Callen laughed like a fool.

Not to be outdone, Kensi did her shot and replied back to Sam. "I was thinking of volunteering at the fire department, can I practice sliding down your pole?"

Sam blushed as Eric whistled.

Nate did his shot then leaned over and started fiddling with the collar at the back of Kensi's shirt. "Nate, what are you doing?"

"Just checking your label. Yep, just what I thought. Made in heaven."

Sam groaned and Callen shook his head. "You got that from A Night at the Roxbury. Come on Nate, get creative."

Eric did his shot and looked at Hetty. "So, do you like cheesy lines or do you just want to do it?"

Hetty shook her head and did her own shot then replied to Eric. "Hi there, know how to use a whip?"

Everyone laughed as Eric turned bright red.

"All right, since Nate still hasn't gotten the hang of the art of pick up lines, he drinks again," Callen announced.

After doing another shot, Nate knew he was in for a long night.

"We need another round," Kensi stated and waved at the waitress. She ordered another tray of shots and another round of beers.

The waitress brought the drinks back to the table and put them down. She then turned to Callen and smiled sweetly. "You know, your eyes are as blue as window cleaner," she stated then walked away leaving Callen confused as everyone laughed.


	2. Rounds 3 and 4

"All right, Kensi, you go first since I get to judge this round," Sam said.

Kensi did her shot then leaned over to rest her head on Nate's shoulder. "Either I just spilled my drink in my lap or I'm really happy to see you."

Nate almost fell out of his chair as the rest of the group hooted and whistled.

"Come on Nate, something original this time," Eric said.

Nate did his shot, already feeling the effects of the first four and the beer, then smiled. "Is it sexy in here or is it me?"

Callen rolled his eyes. "Better, I guess."

Eric tossed back his shot, grinning like an idiot. He looked at Kensi. "I've got a condom with your name on it."

Kensi raised her eyebrows. "Uh, no you don't."

Everyone laughed while Hetty did another shot. She looked at Callen this time. "Want to come play on my slip and slide?"

Callen cleared his throat and Kensi snorted causing beer to come out of her nose.

"Oh that's attractive," Sam laughed as Kensi wiped her face with a napkin.

Nate was laughing like an idiot.

"All right, it's your turn G," Sam said.

Callen did his shot. "Roses are red, violets are blue, I like spaghetti, let's go fuck."

"Damn G, way to be subtle. Since you were the first to drop the f-bomb, you get to drink again," Sam said.

"That's bull, Kensi said anything goes," Callen protested but did the shot anyway.

"Whatever," Kensi said. "It's my turn to judge. Come on Nate, let's hear something really good this time."

Nate, who was well on his way to total oblivion, did another shot. He put his arm around Kensi's shoulders and thought for a minute. "I wish you were a screen door so I could slam you all day long."

"All right Nate!" Eric yelled as the others applauded and Kensi turned red.

Eric downed a shot and reached out to shake Kensi's hand. She hesitantly took it. "Hi, my name is Eric, that's so you know what to scream."

"Oh my," exclaimed Hetty before she did another shot. She looked thoughtful for a moment then laughed. "How many licks does it take to get to the center of your tootsie pop?"

Callen spit beer on the table as everyone cracked up.

"Your turn, Mr. Callen," Hetty said.

He did his shot. "The only reason I'd kick you out of bed would be to fuck you on the floor."

Kensi threw a piece of lime, hitting Callen in the forehead.

"You can be such a pig," she giggled.

"Oink, oink."

Everyone laughed as Callen wiped the lime juice off his face.

Sam took another shot. "Is that a keg in your pants, cause I'd like to tap that ass."

"Nice Sam, real nice," Callen said sarcastically as he smiled.

"Don't be jealous G. Just because I got better skills."

"Yeah right. Okay Kenz, what's the verdict?" Callen asked.

"Eric!" Kensi shouted and pointed at him.

"Why me?"

"Because you used that awful line on me you twit."

Laughter erupted as Eric shrugged and did the shot.

Nate started waving at someone and the others looked to see Marty Deeks walking their way.

"Marty! Hey man, pull up a chair," Callen said.

Everyone tried to hide their laughter as they waived at Marty.

Marty grabbed a chair and sat between Nate and Eric. "Okay, so what am I getting myself into?" he asked as he eyed up all the empty shot glasses and everyone's 'happy' state.

Kensi explained the game and Marty shook his head. "What the hell, sounds interesting."

Everyone agreed as Kensi waived at the waitress for another round of shots and a beer for Marty.

Callen smiled at the waitress as she removed the empty shot glasses and gave them a new tray of shots.

She smiled back. "You're so hot you would make the devil sweat."

He stared after her for a bit as she walked away and everyone laughed. No one knew Kensi had gotten her into the game.

-NCIS-NCIS-NCIS-

A/N: Okay, so by my count everyone has had between three and five shots (Nate has had 6!) and are working on their third beer. (Except Marty of course.) The bad lines only get worse (and funnier)folks…hope you are enjoying!


	3. Rounds 5 and 6

"My turn, my turn!" Nate was bouncing up and down in his chair while everyone gave him odd looks. "Go ahead Eric."

"Yeah, okay," Eric commented before he did his shot. He looked in Hetty's direction. "Would you fuck a complete stranger?"

Hetty just shook her head no, unable to respond because she was laughing too hard.

"Then hi, my name is Eric."

Hetty did another shot and looked back at Eric. "Should I call you in the morning or nudge you?"

Callen laughed before taking another shot. "Okay, how about this one? I love every bone in your body, especially mine."

Nate found that particularly funny and started laughing his head off.

"Should we cut him off?" Marty asked.

"Nah, this is when he gets to be fun," Callen replied.

Sam took a shot and smiled at Kensi. "Your body's name must be Visa cause it's everywhere I want to be."

"Yeah, that's not going to work," Kensi answered then took her shot. She took Sam's hand. "I'd like to wrap my legs around your head so you could wear me like a feed bag."

"WHOA!" was the loud reply from everyone at the table.

"Damn Kensi, where do you get this stuff?" Sam asked her.

She just smiled. "It's a secret. Okay Marty, time to dazzle us. What have you got?"

Marty took his shot then smiled a wicked smile at Kensi. "Is it that cold or are you smuggling tic-tacs?"

Everyone busted out laughing as Kensi looked down at the front of her shirt. Seeing that Marty was just messing with her, she promptly flipped him off which caused another outburst of laughter.

"Okay Mr. Getz, who gets to drink?" asked Hetty

"Huh?"

"You're supposed to judge this round remember?" Eric asked.

"Oh yeah, right." (It was obvious Nate was feeling no pain.) He sat for a few seconds. "Um, Sam I guess."

"Come on man, that was a great line," Sam protested.

"I don't even remember what it was," Nate replied.

Sam rolled his eyes and did his shot as the rest of the team laughed at Nate.

"Okay, pee break," Kensi announced.

"TMI, Kenz," laughed Callen as he took another swig of beer.

Kensi stood up and so did Nate.

"Think he'll find his way to the bathroom and back?" Sam asked Callen.

Callen shrugged as Nate began to slowly follow Kensi towards the bathrooms. "I think Kensi will be happy to help him."

Everyone gave Callen a look and Callen just smiled.

Everyone just sat talking about different things waiting for Nate and Kensi to return. After what seemed like forever, Kensi made her way back to the table.

Before she sat, she wrapped her arms around Callen and leaned her head on his shoulder from behind. "If you were a Naval captain would you let me inspect your seamen?"

Callen's eyes widened. "Maybe you should be the one cut off."

Kensi laughed then walked over and flopped back down in her chair, taking a long pull off her beer.

"Where's Nate?" Eric asked.

Kensi avoided everyone's gaze and shrugged.

A few seconds later, Nate staggered towards the table. All eyes were on Kensi as he sat down with what looked like lipstick on his cheek and his hair a total mess.

Kensi quickly spoke. "Come on Nate, you have to give us another line."

"Oh, yeah, um…" He leaned over and nearly fell into Kensi. "If I were a squirrel and you were a tree I'd store my nuts in your hole."

Kensi choked on her beer and began to cough. Sam patted her on the back as Nate sat there with a really stupid grin on his face.

"All righty then, time for the next round," Eric announced. "My turn to judge even though Marty is before me. He has some catching up to do. Hetty, you're first."

After her shot, she looked at Marty. "Your face reminds me of a La-z-Boy, I could sit on it all day long."

Marty sat with a stunned look on his face as everyone laughed.

"Oh, I've got a good one," Callen said before downing a shot. "If it's true we are what we eat, I could be you by morning."

"Lovely," replied Hetty.

Sam did a shot then thought for a moment. "Stop drop and roll baby, you're on fire."

"Lame," said Kensi. She took her shot then turned to Nate. She ran her hand up his arm. "Want to play Pearl Harbor? That's where you lay back and I blow the hell out of you."

"Kensi!" Nate yelled as the others hooted and whistled.

"What? Come on your turn."

Nate sighed then took yet another shot. "So, do you want to dance or should I go fuck myself again?"

"That's the spirit Nate! You're getting better at this," Callen said through his laughter.

Marty tossed back a shot then began to laugh. "I just thought of a really bad one. I was about to go masturbate and I needed a name to go with your face."

"Yeah, you're right that's horrible, have another drink," Eric told him.

Marty laughed and held his glass up in a salute before downing it.

"We need another round," Kensi said.

"Do you really think we need to drink more?" whined Nate.

"Yes, we do, you are still conscious."

She motioned to the waitress for more shots and another round of beers.

Eric got up to use the bathroom as the waitress cleared the empty glasses.

When she came back Callen was smiling and waiting for the inevitable comment.

She leaned over to him, letting him get a fairly nice view. "You're so sweet, you'd put Hershey's out of business."

He sat there with a really stupid look on his face as she laughed and walked back towards the bar.

-NCIS-NCIS-NCIS-

Okay, updated shot count:

Callen- 6, Sam- 6, Kensi- 5, Nate- 7, Eric- 6, Hetty- 4, Marty-3. Plus three beers each (Except Marty)


	4. Rounds 7 and 8

Kensi could tell Callen was trying like hell to figure out whether or not the waitress was serious. She laughed to herself for setting him up. However, she got the feeling Kelly (the waitress) was really enjoying herself.

Eric returned from the bathroom and sat down, after nearly missing his chair, with a goofy smirk on his face. He knew he had to give them another line.

Hetty frowned at him. "All right, out with it Mr. Beal. We know you are dying to say it."

Eric snickered. "Your face reminds me of a wrench. Every time I think of it my nuts tighten up."

"God, you are pathetic," Kensi said.

"Then why are you laughing?"

"Okay, Mr. Deeks, it is your turn to judge. I get to go first." Hetty did another shot. "If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep till noon."

"I've got a better one," Callen said. He did his shot then looked at Kensi again and wagged his eyebrows. "Hi, wanna fuck like bunnies?"

"Oh God Callen, you are just so wrong," she said to him before flinging another lime at him.

He dodged the fruit this time and laughed at Kensi. "You love me and you know it."

She snorted in jest. "You wish."

Sam did his shot. "You know if I were you I'd have sex with me."

A couple of groans were heard.

Kensi downed another shot. She leaned over against Nate again and Nate rolled his eyes. "You must know a really good rain dance because you're making me wet."

Nate didn't respond but picked up another shot. He went to drink it but missed and ended up with most of it down the front of his shirt.

"Oops. Well, anyway…"

Everyone laughed.

"Let's see. Oh I got one. Fuck me if I'm wrong but isn't your name Yolanda?"

"Great! He's finally got the hang of it!" Callen said.

Nate laughed and gave Callen a thumbs up.

Eric did his shot. "I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you."

"Nice Eric, I'm sure that works real well," Sam laughed.

Marty looked at Callen. "Drink up."

"Man you suck. Who invited you anyway?"

"You did."

"Oh yeah."

There was one last round of shots on the tray and by now everyone except Marty was nearly wasted.

"Last round. No judge this time. Just come up with the most God awful line you can think of," Kensi said. "Hetty, you have the honor of starting."

Hetty did her last shot. "This is one of my personal favorites. If you were a booger, I'd pick you first."

"That's gross," Callen said to her.

"Oh, but it's okay for you to talk about fucking like bunnies?" Kensi asked.

Callen shrugged as he did his last shot. "I'm no Fred Flintstone but I can make your bed rock."

A chorus of boos sounded from around the table and another lime wedge hit him in the head.

It was Sam's turn now. He did his shot. "You might not be the best looking girl in here, but beauty is only a light switch away."

"Ouch! That will get you kicked in the junk real fast my friend," Marty said.

Kensi did her last round. "Is there a mirror in your pants cause I can see myself in them."

"That's so old," Eric told her.

Everyone looked at Nate who was swaying slightly. He managed to do his last shot and only gagged slightly. He paused dramatically then looked at Kensi. "My love, I have fallen for you like you are gravity and I am a heavy object." With that his head hit the table with a thump.

Only Marty looked concerned. "Did he just pass out?"

Callen nodded. "Yep."

"Aren't you worried?"

"Nope."

"Oh-kay…"

"That's right, Marty's never been out with us before. Nate's fine. He can't hang with the big boys." Kensi shot him a glare. "And girls. It's just his way of saying he's had enough. Anyway, my turn," Eric announced. He did his shot then laughed so hard he almost puked.

"Well, do we get to hear?" Kensi asked.

"It's really, really awful."

"That's the point Eric," she huffed.

"Okay, here goes. My love for you is like diarrhea, I can't hold it in."

Everyone made grossed out sounds and groaned at Eric.

"I take it back Hetty, the booger comment was lovely. Eric you are a sick man," Callen said.

"Hey, I try."

"All right Marty, you have the honor of having the last line of the night. Give us a good one," Sam told him.

Marty did his shot then thought for a minute. He smiled. "You remind me of a championship bass, I don't know whether to mount you or eat you."

Everyone clapped at Marty's comment except Nate, who was drooling on the table.

Kensi waived at the waitress and asked if anyone wanted another beer. Callen, Eric and Marty accepted while Hetty and Sam had said they reached their limit. Nate of course, had nothing to say as he was still out and was now snoring slightly.

When Kelly came over to clear the table and take the order for their beers, Kensi had an evil idea.

"Do you guys have any of those little paper umbrellas?" she asked after ordering the beers.

Kelly smiled. She glanced at Nate and realized where this was going. "Yeah, do you want some?"

Kensi nodded. "Yes, please." She started to laugh as Kelly walked away.

A few minutes later she returned with four beers and a box of paper umbrellas. Callen watched her intently.

She smiled at him and he smiled back. "Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?"

This time Callen, well beyond sober, answered her. "That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?"

She laughed and patted him on the head. "Keep trying Romeo."

Everyone laughed as she walked away and Callen turned a lovely shade of red and shook his head. "Okay, anyway, as Kensi puts it, time for a pee break."

Callen headed for the bathroom as Kensi opened the box of umbrellas and got Eric and Marty to help her open them up. Eric was having difficulty as he was pretty smashed and Marty was mumbling something under his breath and shaking his head at Kensi. Kensi was smiling her best evil smile and lining the little umbrellas up along the table.

Hetty and Sam watched in amusement and Sam felt just the slightest bit sorry for Nate.

_NCIS_NCIS_NCIS_

Okay, there is one more chapter to go. I haven't started writing it yet, but I know where this is going. Hopefully everyone has gotten a few laughs so far. And yes, those stupid little umbrellas can be a bitch to open…

I was hoping to have this up earlier, but my muse ran away for a few days while I was dealing with some stuff. (Real life sucks sometimes.) Now she's back and all is better.

I will get the last chapter up as soon as I can!


	5. Last Call

Thanks for the reviews, glad everyone seems to like this. So here's the last chapter. I don't own anything you recognize in this chapter. The sad part is I've actually had the upcoming 'debate'…

Sorry this took longer to post than I thought. Had a minor crisis this weekend at my house and didn't get to work on it. Now I have a head cold that makes my brain ache. That and the medicine have made me a total space cadet...

_NCIS_NCIS_NCIS_

Callen made his way back to the table and was greeted by an interesting sight. Kensi was carefully placing the paper umbrellas in Nate's hair, completely covering his head like a hat. Sam was folding his napkin into some type of origami animal. They all looked like ducks to Callen, so it really didn't matter to him.

He sat down and took a drink of his beer.

Eric stared at him with a questioning look on his face.

"What?"

"Give us a line."

"Oh, yeah." He thought for a second then laughed. "Can you buy me a drink? I just spent my last fifty cents on a French Tickler."

Kensi glanced up from her project as Marty and Eric laughed and Hetty and Sam groaned. "G, you have a seriously twisted mind."

"Look who I hang out with."

Sam playfully punched him in the arm and Hetty swatted him upside his head which caused the others to laugh loudly.

Nate stirred slightly but did not disturb Kensi's work. He mumbled something about Lord Voldemort and a cheese sandwich, which got several odd looks from the team.

Keeping with the theme of weird, Eric decided to start a debate. "Hey guys, I have a question."

"If it has anything to do with any of the awful stuff you use as pick up lines the answer is no," Kensi stated.

Everyone laughed as Eric made a face at Kensi. "No seriously. I was going to ask who do you think would win in a fight between the Oompa Loompas and the Munchkins?"

"Easy, the Oompa Loompas would kick ass," Sam replied.

"I don't know, those Munchkins had to be pretty tough to put up with the Wicked Witch," Marty suggested.

Callen shook his head. "No way, the Munchkins ran away from the witch. Besides, those Oompa Loompas were creepy looking."

"So let me get this straight. You are a highly trained federal agent and you're afraid of Oompa Loompas?" Sam questioned.

"I never said I was afraid of them, just that they were creepy. There's a difference."

"Uh-huh, sure there is."

"Shut up Sam."

The conversation continued and none of them found it odd that they were actually having a debate over Oompa Loompas and Munchkins, proof that they were well beyond sane thinking. In the end the Oompa Loompas won, four votes to two.

Sam had gotten up to use the bathroom as Kensi finished up Nate's new 'hat'. Of course Callen had to take several pictures with his phone to use as blackmail later on.

By the time Sam returned, not only was Nate still out cold with a head full of paper umbrellas, Eric was sporting a few in his hair as well and Callen was wearing the napkin 'duck' as a hat.

He gave Hetty an odd look and Hetty just shrugged. Sam sat back down and everyone looked at him. He sighed knowing he had to give them another awful line.

"I've heard sex is a killer. Want to die happy?"

"Sounds like a great way to go," Hetty replied.

Before anyone could respond the bartender shouted for last call.

Kensi smiled. "Come on, one more round of shots?"

"Do we have to do the lines again?" Marty asked.

"Of course, what fun would it be without them?"

Marty shrugged and downed the last of his beer. "Sure, why the hell not?"

She looked around the table and Eric nodded in agreement. Hetty gave her a 'whatever' gesture. She focused on Callen. "Well?"

Callen made a face and rolled his eyes. "Oh come on G. Please? Please, please, please?"

Callen raised his eyebrows at her. "Damn Kenz, if I knew I could get you to beg for things tonight could have been a lot more interesting."

"Mr Callen!" Hetty playfully scolded him. Sam, Eric and Marty whistled at Kensi.

Kensi gave Callen a seductive smile. "You couldn't handle me G. You'd be the one begging by the end of the night."

Callen sat in stunned silence as the rest of the group cheered for Kensi.

"Well I guess that means another round," Sam laughed.

Kensi waived at Kelly for another round of shots. When she brought the tray to the table she smiled at Callen again. "You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear."

Everyone burst out laughing as Callen stared at her drunkenly before she headed back to the bar.

"Okay, we'll start with Callen since he seems like he is the next one on the verge of unconsciousness," Kensi said.

"Am not," he defended then did his shot. He slammed the glass down on the table then smirked at Kensi. "Do you live on a chicken farm?"

She shook her head. "No."

"Well you sure know how to raise cocks."

Marty fell out of his chair, Eric thumped his fist on the table and Sam laughed hysterically.

Hetty looked at Kensi's beet red face. "Well Ms. Blye, you did ask for it by getting him started again."

Kensi rolled her eyes and ignored Callen smirking at her as Marty got up from the floor.

"Your turn Sam. Please come up with something better than that," she said to him.

Sam took his shot then put his foot up on the table and began to untie the laces.

Kensi gave him and odd look. "What are you doing?"

"Taking off my shoes."

"Why?"

"So I can take off my pants."

Everyone started laughing again. Callen groaned. "Oh man, is there some way to mentally un-see something?"

Kensi tossed back the shot then leaned over to Sam. "You're just the way I like my coffee. Tall, black and strong."

Callen found that really funny and slapped Sam on the back. "Damn man, didn't know you were on the menu at Starbucks."

Sam glared at Callen. "Bite me G."

Eric did his shot then looked at Kensi. "Do you have a gag reflex?"

"Yeah, every time I look at you I gag."

Marty handed Eric a napkin as everyone cracked up. "Here's a napkin man, you just got served."

"Ha, ha. Let's see if you can do better."

Marty nodded then did his shot. "No I'm not a cop. What can I get for fifty bucks?"

"Real nice," Sam commented.

"Okay Hetty, you have the honor of having the really final last line of the night. Make us proud," Callen said.

"Really final last line? I hope it's the alcohol making you talk like that," she replied before doing the last shot of the night. "I'm like a tropical island. Hot, wet and waiting for tourists."

This time Eric spewed beer on the table and Callen fell out of his chair. Marty stared wide eyed at Hetty as Kensi gave her a high five. Sam reached down and pulled Callen up from the floor as he laughed his head off.

"Okay people, time to go. I think we need to wake Mr. Getz up," Hetty announced. Everyone groaned in disappointment. This time, she waived at Kelly for the check.

Callen was still giggling in a very un-Callen like way with his head on the table when she came over with the bill. He looked up at her and smiled. "I lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?"

She smiled at him and tore a piece of paper off her pad. Everyone watched in amazement as she wrote the number down. "You've tried so hard, how can I say no?" She folded the paper in half and Callen sat up quickly, too quickly for his current state as he nearly fell over again. Sam caught him and kept him somewhat upright.

He took the piece of paper from her and put it in his pocket. "Somebody call God, one of his angels is missing." He started to laugh again as everyone shook their heads at him.

Hetty surprised everyone by taking care of the bill as Kensi tried to wake Nate up. "Nate! Time to go!"

She shook his shoulder and he moaned a little. "Come on Nate, they are going to kick us out soon."

"Don't kick me, it'll hurt," he mumbled.

Kensi sighed. "I'm not going to kick you dumb ass, we are going to get kicked out."

"Kicked out of where?"

"The bar."

"What bar?"

Kensi gave a frustrated sigh as everyone laughed at her.

Nate finally picked his head up off the table and Callen started laughing like a fool again. Everyone looked to see what was so amusing only to see Nate sitting there with his head full of paper umbrellas, his eyes glassy and a piece of lime peel stuck to his forehead.

"What's so funny?" he slurred.

"Nothing," everyone seemed to say in unison.

Callen took a few more pictures before they all got up and headed for the door.

Kelly waived at Callen and mouthed 'call me' at him as they passed the bar. He smiled a goofy smile as Sam half carried him out.

As they were going out the door, Nate suddenly started laughing. "Hey, I just thought of a good one. What has a hundred and forty two teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? My zipper!" With that he laughed like a nut.

"Jesus Nate. Are you happy Callen? You've created a monster," Kensi complained.

Callen laughed. "Stop complaining Kenz, if what he just said is true, you should be very happy."

Sam stared at Callen wide-eyed, not believing he said that to Kensi. He expected Kensi to kick his drunken ass into next week. The rest of the team watched, waiting for the Callen bashing to begin.

Instead of beating Callen into the pavement, Kensi walked over to him and gently patted his cheek. "It's sweet of you to care G, but we know the truth is you're just jealous. Instead of the Incredible Hulk, you have to deal with Mini Me."

Everyone laughed so loud people were giving them strange looks.

"Shit Kensi, that was the best line of the whole night," Eric laughed as Callen pouted.

While they were trying to get taxis, Nate complained about feeling like he was going to throw up.

"There is no way I'm sharing a cab with him," Callen protested.

"Stop whining G, he's going with Kensi. You're going with me since you are between places again. I'm the one who should be worried about you puking on me."

"Hey, I'll have you know that I am proud of the fact I have never once thrown up from being drunk!" Callen said indignantly.

"Yeah, that's a great thing to be proud of, G."

The first taxi pulled up and everyone said bye to Kensi and Nate. They got in and went on their way.

Marty said goodnight and said he was going to walk home since he wasn't that far from there. He was the least drunk of the bunch and could actually walk without tripping over his own feet.

Hetty and Eric shared the next taxi as they were going in the same general direction. This left Sam and Callen.

"Hey Sam?"

"Yeah G."

"I had fun tonight."

"That's nice."

Sam really was glad to see his friend having a good time. Callen very rarely let loose. Even if it meant having to haul his drunk ass around so he wouldn't fall over.

They got their own taxi and got in to head to Sam's place. Callen promptly fell asleep and started snoring as Sam laughed to himself. It had been one hell of a night.

_NCIS_NCIS_NCIS_

So, I hope everyone liked it. Just a goofy idea that's been in my head for a while. I had a bit of trouble deciding how to close it out. Hope it wasn't too lame.

Time for my public service announcement: PLEASE DON'T EVER DRINK AND DRIVE! Also, drink responsibly and stay safe!

By the way, going by today's prices (at least in my area) the bar bill would have been well over $400.00. Yet another reason I don't hang out in bars too often!

Thanks again for reading and reviewing!


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